A personal question

[harveywallbanger]

I hope you don't mind this. I trust the peoples judgement on here so I have a question. On April 10th my brother who was also my best friend was killed in a car accident. He was the only real family death I have known. He was really big into holidays. Dragged me kicking and screaming lol. Well I skipped out on the 4th of July I decided to stay at home I was so bummed instead of our family tradition of going to a local lake and watching the fireworks.

I don't want to do that again for Holloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and so on. But the memories will be fresh because his birthday was on November 5th. Any suggestions on how I can enjoy them again and see past the sad loneliness?

[Blondie]

I'm sorry for your loss, I wish I could help but I'm afraid all the help I can give is prayers. I lost a loved one once, my father. It was hard but God saw me and my family through. I now have a loving, deeply loving, step father who cares so much about our family. Again, I give you my prayers.

[Susanna]

Harvey, I'm sorry I haven't responded to you sooner. I have never been in your position, and all I can do is offer my prayers on your behalf. But then, that's the most any of us can do, isn't it?

[Spâtha]

Sorry for your loss, and all our prayers are with you.

Harvey, one thing you can do for those holidays and for any other day for that matter, is to wear something of his. Maybe a ring or another piece of jewelry he wore or owned?

Look through his effects and see what you can find that attracts you and brings a smile to your face. What ever that turns out to be, it'll always bring a smile to your face when you touch it or remember it.

Hope this helps.

[Elmira Viking]

Man, I'm sorry. I know everyone is different, but try doing what he would have done on those days. Remember all the good times you guys had.

[angelmack]

So sorry for your loss, but yes as others said try your best and keep positive. Remember the good times and have some good times yourself. I am sure you will still have sad times and sad days but keep your chin up the best you can.

[Darcey]

I'm also sorry about your loss.
I've never lost a sibling yet, but I have lost my parents. My father was really big on holidays and I especially miss him at those times. But I also know he would want me to enjoy them as he always did. Your brother used to drag you to holiday events, so he wanted you to enjoy them. Enjoy them for him. It's what he would want for you.
You are in my prayers.

[smichellen]

I truly hate to say this. It is true though. Time will heal...a lot of time.
Being this is your first year to get through without him nobody would or should expect you to not feel that way. I think it is a known fact that facing holidays without loved ones is very tough. I know it sounds lame but it is true. You will honor your brother and eventually feel better by not avoiding holidays. It will be easier if the rest of the family is in it with you too. It sucks to go through what are supposed to be fun cleberations feeling like everyone else is moving on and forgetting him while you feel like life has stopped. I don't know if that's how it feels to you. I know I have experienced that feeling though.

Anyway, as everyone else has said. Prayers and lots of them for you and your family.

[smichellen]

I guess my point is there may not be a way for you to spend much of the holiday times without the sad lonely feelings. At least not this year.
Sorry for your loss.
Just know you aren't the only person to experience it. So, not totally alone, even though it feels lonely.

[harveywallbanger]

I have an almost photographic memory. Remembering good times isn't hard. But the bad times come into my mind aswell. For instence, no one could id the body because his family was in Colorado and he was living in a suburb of Jacksonville Fl. So they emailed us the pic. I can't get that out of my mind. The local news paper ran a story about him. I saw it online including a pic of the accident that had several sheets draped across the ground. They have sence removed the article.

One good thing about the coronors pic is he had a smile on his face when he died. At the time he was texting from the backseat his best friend. You know when sometimes you see a guy and girl and just know they should be together. That was him and his bestfriend.

I still own some of his shirts. Although he didn't have many possessions. When he moved all his possessions fit in a leather toat bag.

[Spâtha]

Harvey, if you don't have any of his possessions try something the American Indians used to do(and still do for that matter). Make a medicine pouch.

Whatever you have of him, a button, a piece of cloth, anything - you could even take a found stone that catches your eye and consecrate it with a prayer about him and use it - then put these items in your medicine pouch. When you have all the items you want(not too many)in your pouch, then consecrate the medicine pouch with a prayer.

If you want to make one, go to a leather store like Tandy Leather or get it online and pick up a piece of soft leather(roughout, both sides is best for this purpose). Make a template out of cardboard in the shape of a small 'drawstring pouch' then cut and sew the leather to make the pouch. You can add a longer drawstring if you want to wear it around your neck.

Or you can just buy the pouch already made.
Heres a place
Here's another

Just another idea to help you get through these tough times.
Hope this helps.

[harveywallbanger]

Thanks guys. I in all honesty didn't know if this was the right place to ask. Your good people I appreciate your responses.

[TheOperative]

This is not exactly along same line as your question, but it may help you either way. I had a best friend with whom I used to do almost everything, go out fishing, partying, looking for girls, etc... We had a falling out a few years ago and haven't spoken since.

Now, I could either suppress those memories of the good times, or I could choose to relish them as one of the funnest parts of my life. Just because the reality is different now, doesn't change the past.

[smichellen]

Actually, TO I think loosing friends, family and dare I say boyfriend/girlfriend is not exactly the same as loosing by death, but certainly there is the same mourning proccess involved. I think you have a very valid point.