Baltimore mom no hero: Column

Toya Graham, a single mother of six, was caught on video cursing and repeatedly smacking her frightened 16-year-old son after she caught him participating in an anti-police riot in Baltimore. Graham is being hailed as a hero, with media outlets describing her as “Mom of The Year”, and the Baltimore police commissioner even praising her parenting.

The mother’s reaction was understandable and maybe even reasonable given the highly charged circumstances, but it was far from heroic. Her parenting was not ideal.

We should not judge Graham as a person. She told CBS News that her intention was to protect her son. It seems that she did what she thought she had to do to remove her son from a very dangerous riot. But in the process, she repeatedly slapped, hit, cursed and shouted at him to “Get the f— over here” and “take that mother f-----g mask off!”

Extensive research shows that using harsh verbal discipline and physical hostility is counterproductive to good parenting. It increases the risk of delinquency, fighting, misbehavior and belligerence in teens. Science Daily reported that “harsh verbal discipline may actually aggravate” problematic behavior in teens. Shouting and insulting teens just doesn’t work long term. You are more likely to positively modify teen misbehavior by calmly and maturely discussing the consequences of the misbehavior.

Baltimore mom no hero: Column

Let us forget she is a single mother but a mother trying to save her son who was doing something that could have had repercussions which could have injured him or to being set on the path of criminality.

Now the so called experts say one should never disciple the child because any form of reaction from the parent is counterproductive. I say nonsense. Those who think that codling a child and letting them run the home and doing what ever they desire is beneficial.

Yes the woman used harsh words but in the situation she was trying to prevent her child from doing evil. Those of us who have raised children understand that not all situations require the same effort but remember a child at home may act different than when influenced by other circumstances.

No one is calling for beating up the child and I realize this thread will bring those who will scream that if you look at your child that is abuse. They will wax on about their parenting style if they had children lor stayed with the woman after they got her pregnant. There will be those who will tell us how their children are model citizens while they are serving time in juvenile lockup.

You will get the parent who blames everything his or her child does on others so their cute bundle of joy is not guilty of any mischief because it is always someone elses fault.

**It takes a firm hand to raise a child not a parent who does not care.

**Bottom line this woman was trying to avert a situation where even the crowd could have decided to go after her.

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Heroes aren’t perfect people, just average people who step-up a little higher than others in certain situations. Most don’t consider what they did as heroic, just doing what the situation called for at the time. This mother stepped up to do what she thought needed to be done for her son. And in the middle of what was happening, her actions weren’t without some risk but it wasn’t the risk that was on her mind.

She might not be the best mother in the world but at that moment she did what a mother does, even though some would suggest, her’s wasn’t the most enlightened approach.

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[quote=“Superpsycho, post:2, topic:46595”]
Heroes aren’t perfect people, just average people who step-up a little higher than others in certain situations. Most don’t consider what they did as heroic, just doing what the situation called for at the time. This mother stepped up to do what she thought needed to be done for her son.
[/quote]Totally agree

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At least she’s trying. That’s more than most of those kids’ parents were doing.

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It’s no surprise that the liberal media is starting to vilify the good mother.

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Some idiot will turn her in to child services.

She has a job and six kids and she’s a single mom. I did hear that her oldest daughter is in the Police Academy. Maybe the mom was just trying to protect him from his sister. :grin:

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Yeah you got to watch those twisted sisters :howler:

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“Extensive research shows.” BARF.

Well I’ve got some ‘extensive research’ for you - “experts” at nothing but psychobabble. Ya sound just like the moron “expert” who tried to tell me that I should never spank my son.
Ha! My guess is that you never met a willful child. I’m his mother, not you, and I’m certain I’ve got a much better handle on what my kid needs.
(No, we weren’t in ‘parenting classes’, or any of that nonsense. lol The dweeb was hosting a radio show, and I was just in the mood to call and tell him what I thought of his bull.)

Just as this mother, Toya Graham, knew how to talk to her own son in language he understood.
I still say - GOOD ON HER!!!

But I suppose the Babble-heads think she should’ve approached him with, “Oh, please, Sweetie Pie. Won’t you come in from play now?”

And let me guess: These are the same morons the government is going to for advice on how to restore discipline in public schools.

One more thing. Cruella, THAT was funny! LMBO

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I can see we’ll have to start a thread on parenting. A parent does what is required to get a child’s attention in a way that it sticks in their memory. The more significant the situation, the more important it is they get the point.

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Yep. And some kids require different approaches. What works for one, doesn’t necessarily work for the other; nor does one require as much discipline as the other.

(Gotta fly. Duty calleth.)

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Dr. Spock started this with his admonition that we should all “spare the rod and spoil the child.” Nonsense. Both of our children were disciplined with whacks on their butts when it was warranted, though our foster kids were too old for that type of discipline when they came to live with us. BTW, we had several kids we “adopted” (or who “adopted” us), but we never went to some government agency to get “permission” (or pay) for doing so. We just took them in, supported them and helped to raise them into good, decent adults, which with one tragic exception, they all became. (The exception was one lad who we took in while he fought cancer…and lost.)

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God Bless you Pappadave. We need more unselfish people like yourself.

I was raised by a military father, his father was also in the military long enough to receive a pension. I was raised “by hand”, taking far more abuse than most, worse it would often come without an explanation (he didn’t feel he needed to explain why I was being punished). To this day, we have uncomfortable conversations, though as I am an adult with many more experiences I can appreciate where he came from and his intentions. Our relationship has mended somewhat.

Yes, I consider myself a principled and honest adult, but that has to be credited to my mother and how she raised me. My dad taught me how to be tough and prepared for the harsh reality of the world, my mother to be thoughtful and a man of character. Either approach is fine depending on the child and the situation. Talking first and appealing to a childs logic should be the first step, if that won’t work you change tactics. If I beat my dog everyday he is going to snap at me eventually.

I consider myself a “cerebral” person. In this case, if he was throwing rocks at the police (something I can’t imagine I would do in a millon years), then yes, she has to be very forceful and irate. She isn’t going to go out there and have a conversation, there is far too much at risk for her kid leaving him out there. The kid stated that she had a conversation with him afterwards about the “why”, he seems to be mature enough to appreciate why she did it.

Anyways, in short, the rod has it’s place, but it has to be used effectively. You want your kid to have discipline, not anger. in this scenario I see no problem with what she did. Especially as a single mother, you had better set the ground rules early so that your child understands his boundaries and who is boss, this wasn’t child abuse by any means, it was a lesson for her son, and an order to get home.

Spanking has it’s place but is pretty ineffective past age 8 or so. We never spanked one of our kids while angry at them and we ALWAYS told them why they were getting spanked…in no uncertain terms…and we spanked them in close proximity to their offense so they understood clearly that what they’d done is unacceptable. Oftentimes, it hurt MY soul much worse than any pain the spanking inflicted on the child…but we believed it to be necessary. Apparently we were right because ALL of them have come around to our way of thinking…though one of our sons took some time getting there.

Boy isn’t that the truth. I have four, two of each. My biggest complaint was that they didn’t come with directions. The oldest girl was easy. I only had to look at her cross eyed and she would fall into tears if she had been bad. Her sister was the complete opposite. The boys were a different story. My main goal with them, was just to keep them alive. They were so physical and I had a hard time keeping up with their energy. My house for a few years then, looked like a war zone. I literally had action figures strung across door jams and hanging from the light fixtures. Car and train tracks had become an obstacle course from the front door to the kitchen, and never ever go barefooted. You would pay the price of stepping on legos or matchcars.

I’ve always wondered why boys INSIST on pushing the boundaries much more so than girls do.

When my son was about 25, (turns 45 in June) out of the blue he said, “Dad, I sure am glad you made us behave when we were kids.” (His sister turned 47 this past January. )
That was the first totally spontaneous “feedback” we had received from our kids as to our parenting, and I would not take the PCH sweeps for that statement.
All my wife & I could say at that point was “Thank you Lord; we must’ve done something right in spite of all our goofs!”

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Me too. In some ways, I actually found it easier to discipline them though. They didn’t seem to take everything to heart like the girls did. They got over it, and the girls would sulk around with hurt feelings. Difference between male and female I guess.

o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h-h THAT IS SO UN-PC!! :ninja::grin::howler:

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It’s what males DO.

They’re not content to set their own boundaries. They feel the need to take the boundaries laid down…and press beyond.

If it’s testing the presupposition that the world is flat, what comes out of it can be great things.

If it’s challenging the police, since he walked over his PARENTS’ rules…he’s gonna have trouble. And maybe even an early grave.

My mother would have dragged me away unconscious.