Gossiping. A question


#1

Gossiping is wrong, I know. Sadly, I allowed myself to get pulled into it. It was so EASY! However, am working on never letting that happen again.

In the past, I was never willing to say something about someone that I wasn’t willing to say to his face. I thought that justified an okay to discuss it with someone else, as in asking what they thought.

Now I’m wondering if even THAT is wrong.

Now, let’s face it folks. Don’t YOU confide in your spouse, or a close friend, asking if you did the right thing by telling Joe or Jane that he/she did the wrong thing? Or even asking beforehand if you should?

Is that gossiping?


#2

[quote=“2cent, post:1, topic:39577”]
Gossiping is wrong, I know. Sadly, I allowed myself to get pulled into it. It was so EASY! However, am working on never letting that happen again.

In the past, I was never willing to say something about someone that I wasn’t willing to say to his face. I thought that justified an okay to discuss it with someone else, as in asking what they thought.

Now I’m wondering if even THAT is wrong.

Now, let’s face it folks. Don’t YOU confide in your spouse, or a close friend, asking if you did the right thing by telling Joe or Jane that he/she did the wrong thing? Or even asking beforehand if you should?

Is that gossiping?
[/quote]gossip: a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others

You are not a gossip. Discussing something someone said or did with a friend or spouse is not gossiping. To me, Gossip is SPREADING the rumor. IOW discussing it with anyone/everyone you talk to.
Gossip has a negative connotation. If you go around spreading rumors that hurt, that is gossip. If you are questioning YOUR thinking/behavior in the same matter, and relying on a confidant to advise you, that is not gossip. If you tell Emma and Joyce and Gertrude so they can tell others, or for any nefarious purpose, that is gossip.
I think you are fine.


#3

Thanks, Tiny.
What I found myself caught up in was this style of gossiping:

As in, “Can you believe Mrs. So-and-So allows her 16 yr old to go carousing all hours of the night?!” When it was known as a FACT that she did.

And I’d respond with, “No, I can’t. And one of these days she’s going to regret it.”

Thing is, I knew it was useless to confront Mrs. So-and-So, but more to the point, was none of my business..

Now, I’m not talking the church social. I’m talking amongst close friends. Thing is, admittedly, it wasn’t only to warn your child off that ne’er-do-well; it was to find ourselves superior to that.

Another example:
“Mrs. Jones keeps portraying all this education she has, yet is not successful.”

Me: “It’s sure enough a curiosity!” “Can’t find a job, is as poor as the day is long, keeps making excuses…”

Maybe not “gossip”, per se, but I’m ashamed.

I’m trying awfully hard to get out of that habit. Talking behind people’s backs may not be gossip, but it most assuredly is not kind.

You, and the like, push my efforts toward that end, and I thank you.


#4

[quote=“2cent, post:3, topic:39577”]
Thanks, Tiny.
What I found myself caught up in was this style of gossiping:

As in, “Can you believe Mrs. So-and-So allows her 16 yr old to go carousing all hours of the night?!” When it was known as a FACT that she did.

And I’d respond with, “No, I can’t. And one of these days she’s going to regret it.”

Thing is, I knew it was useless to confront Mrs. So-and-So, but more to the point, was none of my business..

Now, I’m not talking the church social. I’m talking amongst close friends. Thing is, admittedly, it wasn’t only to warn your child off that ne’er-do-well; it was to find ourselves superior to that.

Another example:
“Mrs. Jones keeps portraying all this education she has, yet is not successful.”

Me: “It’s sure enough a curiosity!” “Can’t find a job, is as poor as the day is long, keeps making excuses…”

Maybe not “gossip”, per se, but I’m ashamed.

I’m trying awfully hard to get out of that habit. Talking behind people’s backs may not be gossip, but it most assuredly is not kind.

You, and the like, push my efforts toward that end, and I thank you.
[/quote]I deserve no thanks, Dear Lady. I just think we all discuss others, because we do not have time to make all the mistakes in life, ourselves. The question is, did you do this to injure? To humiliate? To feel superior? Well that may be cause for concern, but once again, you did not put this on the “waves” for all to see.
Search your soul. If you are ashamed, Maybe the Spirit is speaking to your spirit. I cannot judge that, for you, but in my opinion, you are kinder than I am, which really isn’t saying much, but you have gained my respect while I have been here and I simply cannot imagine you to be a gossip. I think it is a testimony to your character, that this bothers you. You have gained even more respect, for that.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all imperfect and fall short. Believe me, I am honored to know you.


#5

I’ve actually begun to give this issue thought. It stemmed from a case where I was saying something about someone when I’d already said as much to the person in question, and the friend I told it to was uncomfortable with me doing so. From that experience, I would say that it’s better not to do it for trivial reasons.


#6

Say, did you hear 2Cent started a thread wondering about gossiping and…?


#7

I believe it involves intent. God knows your heart. Sharing juicy details and spreading these details about someone is one thing. Confiding, especially in a spouse, about something you are seriously concerned about is another.


#8

Tiny, coming from you, that certainly is a compliment, as I’ve nothing but respect for you in return.


#9

Thank you.
And thanks, folks, for letting me get this off my chest.

You’re right. I do know what to do.