irish joke thread

lets have your best irish jokes. here’s a few to get the shamrock rolling.

Q: What’s an Irish 7 course meal?

A: A six-pack and a potato:biggrin:

For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn.

He hired a guide and, just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin.

“Hooray!” shouted the guide. “Here comes man’s best friend!”

“Yeah,” said Mulvaney. “An’ look at the size of the dog that’s bringin’ it!”:biggrin:

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!”

Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say “Enough.” Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully when Riley called out several times, “Enough!” As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering punishment, a bystander said, “Why don’t you let him up? Don’t you hear him say that he’s had enough?” “I do,” says Casey, "but he’s such a liar, you can’t believe him."


Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I’m writing this slowly because I know you can’t read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we’ve moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it’s not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven’t seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out if it’s a boy or girl, so I don’t know if you’re an uncle or aunt.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother’s grave wasn’t paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you 10 Punt, but I’d already sealed the envelope.

an Irish joke?
U2’s Bono

[QUOTE=edog30]an Irish joke?
U2’s Bono[/QUOTE]

Sinead O’Conner

Irish Tank

Hey Razor, didn’t they buy those from the French ?.

Two englishmen were wlking along the street when they came upon an Irishman grinding an organ and a monkey dancing and collecting donations from passersby. One of the englishmen donted 5 pounds, smiled and patted the monkey on the head. The other englishman turned and siad, “I thought you hated the Irish?”
The first one said," I do, but theyre alright when theyre small like this."

Erin go brah!

Guys I’m Irish and I’m offended by this. Honesty if you’re allowed do this can I insult fascists?

Sure. Go for it!

Are you implying that we are fascist’s ?.

Im Irish too… :beerchug:
and I make a joke of everything.

No, I just hate nazis more than anything and want to humiliate and insult them.

Can you explain your response ?. It isn’t making a lot of sense to me. By asking if you can insult fascists, it seems to me that you are implying that we like fascists here.

Do you guys like Irish?
I don’t consider you guys nazis, I wasn’t allowed to down them on wikipedia so I want to show I don’t accept their views.

Sure, there are great Irish people; there are irish people who are a$$holes.

You still haven’t answered my question, though.

I consider all commies as fascists, so unless your a commie I don’t see you as a nazi.

Careful there.

Careful there.

Alright I’ll drop it.

We’re not commies, fascists or nazis; and I’m half Irish, and I still like an occasional Irish joke. Just as my Polish friend likes the occasional Polack joke - in fact, he tells 'em himself. If you can’t laugh at yourself once in a while, you’re pathetic.

I had a very good Catholic friend in college at the time of Kennedy’s election, when a big deal was being made about his Catholicism. This friend told me more Catholic jokes than any one else.