Several years ago, I joined this site as a relatively hard-line, right-wing fundamentalist named Americarnage. (I have no way to prove this to you, as I haven’t posted here in four years and have no idea what my password is, but I assure you that I am he.) During that time, I said a large number of things that I now regret, and I also supported a number of candidates who I now regret. In both regards, I can speak only for myself when I say the following:
I am not the same person I was back then.
My comments on the subject of race, for example, were an abomination. We’re a better country then we were in times before–by a lot. That positive change has been driven for centuries by the movements for Black equality and rights, the Martin Luther Kings of the world who encouraged us to live up to our stated national creed, even when we didn’t. Even the Angelas Davis of the world, for all their excesses, represented very real frustrations concerning the very real sins of the United States. I’m sorry that I dismissed their contentions and internalized the misguided – racist, even – rhetoric of their detractors. And I am sorry that I lied on this very platform about the nature of the Black Lives Matter movement, a broad and complicated coalition that
I am also sorry for the things I said about abortion and LGBTQ rights. Abortion is many things, a complicated issue that concerns whether or not we as a society will welcome another human being into the world. I trafficked in violent, extremist rhetoric concerning that most existential and nuanced of agonies, trampling underfoot the plight of those at its center, including the children themselves. Their mothers are real people, who have to make real decisions in real life, and nothing that I said was just or right. Ditto for the healthcare providers, who do indeed provide services beyond abortion and ensure the health of women across the country.
To the LGBTQ community, to immigrants, and to Muslims, I reserve my greatest apology. No words can capture my shame or regret at the bigoted insults, broadsides, and threats that I lobbed in your direction. There’s no excuse – political, religious, or otherwise – for the things I said to you. I was wrong. I am sorry. Nothing I write here could ever be deemed worthy of your forgiveness, but I am asking for it nonetheless.
I also apologize to the politicians in whose slander I participated, people such as President Obama and the various moderate Republicans who now find themselves at the edge of their party. I’m sorry. And I apologize to everyone who was harmed by Trump’s actions, during the campaign and in office. He was, indeed, a tribune of prejudice and nativism, the kind of person I supported before I encountered the Lord Jesus Christ in a real, meaningful way. Not everyone who voted for him did so out of rank bigotry, but by August 2017 it was clear that rank bigotry had won the day inside his administration. If I’d known in November of 2016 what we all know now, that which we have seen and heard with our own eyes and ears, I would have backed his opponent without hesitation.
My relationship with Christ, with His people, and with those He commanded me to serve, changed who I am, and I can no longer allow the way I talked about those same people – both here and elsewhere – to persist unchallenged. I can no longer allow the things I said here to fester like toxic waste.
If at all possible, I’d thank the moderators and administrators to remove my previous account, and the communications stored there. If not, I ask that they adorn all of my previous posts here with a link to this message, a note that I’m not who I was.