School Bullying Needs Different Handling


#1

This article (link, excerpts below) is a heart-rending story of a girl picked on in a lower middle class school because she was too affluent. No one who reads this story would say that the school did nothing. No one though could fail to feel the girl’s and her parent’s pain.

In my opinion legislation such as the Dignity Act only go so far. In my opinion, schools must encourage not only reporting by other students on bullying incidents, but also efforts to involve them socially. Bullying would hurt far less if the victims did not feel ostracized as well as picked on. The bullies would and should feel ostracized themselves. People who have an agenda and something to offer do not bully. It’s that simple.

Bullying is done by weak people, by cowards. Having policies on paper is fine; insinuating that into the daily fabric of life is what’s needed.

[INDENT]The teasing started in October, the beginning of Julie’s freshman year at Port Chester High School.

“I give my daughter credit,” her mother, Sally, told Westmore News. “She got up every morning and went to school every day knowing what the girls would do to her. I give her a lot of credit, because they were nasty and she had classes with them.”

The names of Julie and her parents have been changed to protect their anonymity.

In addition to comments muttered in class, three of Julie’s classmates made snide remarks in the hallway during school.

“They used to call her ‘little rich bitch,’” Sally said. “‘When you turn 16, what kind of car you gonna get when you turn 16?’ Leave her alone. Barbie doll, used to call her Barbie doll. Leave her alone.”

Some of the comments were made in Spanish, but Julie could still tell they were about her.


Noticing her daughter coming home each day from school with tears in her eyes, Sally urged her daughter to report the incidents, which she did starting in January. School and district administration spoke with the three freshmen, but it did not seem to deter them as the comments continued. Julie’s parents decided to intervene and reached out to the school. During a roundtable discussion with the administration, they were assured the girls would be reprimanded again.

The same day her parents were being assured the bullying would stop, their daughter was crying in an assistant principal’s office.


Julie’s parents again contacted the school district and were informed that the three girls would all be suspended for four days right before Spring Break.

“They were told, ‘Stop.’ The one girl left her alone and she went back to school. The other two continued,” Sally said. “After these two girls got suspended, they were cyber bullying.”

The two girls took to Facebook to continue their tormenting, which Sally accidentally stumbled upon.

“My daughter said to me. She said, ‘If you didn’t see it, you would never have known, Mommy,’” Sally said.


By the time the police and ambulance arrived, with her family shortly behind them, Julie had already slit her wrists.[/INDENT]

What the article obviously doesn’t highlight is that racial minorities are picking on a white girl. This may account somewhat for the less than muscular response by the school.


#2

I’m a huge advocate for students who are bullied. I used to be bullied. Not this bad, but I was to the point where I could expect it the next day. It stopped because I went to my teacher and mother. My mother marched right into the school and talked to the assistant principle and raise holy hell. The next day when I was being bullied a teacher noticed it and yelled at the top of her lungs at the kid in front of the entire class and it never happened again. However I was in a prestigious school district.


#3

Unfortunately for me those complaints by my parents and I fell on deaf ears, and it was also in a prestigious school district.

In eighth grade, I gave someone who had been mimicking my voice when I talked for about four (4) years his comeuppance. At the end of recess period this person, Don, tripped me. I turned around, pinned him to the grass, and didn’t let go. Some kids cheered me. I was the one taken to the principal.

Also in eighth grade, Richard used to put chewing gum in my hair in Spanish class. When I turned around to ask him to stop I was taken to the principal. The authorities explained to my parents that his parents were going through a divorce and he had to be treated tenderly.

In ninth grade, in June 1972, Charlie told me, when we were in the High School’s weather station that if I touched him he would throw up on me. He had been a source of trouble all year. I shook his hand in order to see him demonstrate his vomiting prowess. Instead he pulled out a bicycle chain, and started whirling it around his head at me. He chased me down two flights of stairs to a part of the school where I could hold some doors against him. My parents invited in for a meeting as Hurricane Agnes pounded the New York area, and were not so nicely “asked” to find a private school for me. After dithering for a while, i.e. the entire summer they declined that request.

The next year, first day of school, Charlie pulls a chair for underneath me as I sat down. Rather than calling the school my father called his father. That ended the issue for good.

Overall, tenth grade was better, since some students had the maturity to do what I suggested above. They befriended me and the people who had been bullying for years thought better of it.


#4

I do Martial Arts, bullies generally don’t like having the tables turned.

Althoguh this appears to be a very different kind of bullying. I go to a good High School in a wealthy area, in my school district it would be more likely for rich kids to make fun of poor children, but both are really bad.


#5

Our local school district started a strong anti-bulling campaign a few years ago while me my was in grade school. He had one bullying incident on the bus but it was squelched quickly via the school principal and bus driver. The parents of the kid were very cooperative in squashing their son’s bullying. In fact, later on, he became a fairly good kid.

A friend of my son’s experienced a really bad incident of violent bullying away from school. My son’s friend was attacked by a kid that had bothered him some at school. The boys had a black eye and some stitches. The school got involved because both kids went to the same school. The bully was eventually sent of to a juvy school.

My son doesn’t have an aggressive bone in his body. Fortunately, he has some size to him and is very strong. So, most would be bullies think twice. Now that he is into martial arts, that is also a deterrent even though he is taught not to brag about it.


#6

I still have a problem with the modern redefinition of “bullying.” It means physical abuse and/or threat/intimidation, not verbal abuse. Not to downplay the harm of the latter- and I suffered from it much in school- but it isn’t bullying as I was taught.


#7

There is only one way to stop a bully. Break his nose. Watch as his eyes begin watering, as he blinks the “Minute Waltz” Observe as he struggles to breathe, and spits blood and mucous out on the ground. Take note of how quickly his eyes turn black and blue. Laugh as he runs away, blubbering incessantly and crying for his Mommy.
Bet he won’t do it again.


#8

I agree. The only time a bully ever left me alone was when I stood up to them. Sometimes, you don’t have to punch them. However, most of the time, you must.

While most people should stand up for themselves in such situations, there are those that need some help. I once stood up for a special ed student that was being bullied by a football player. I didn’t have to throw a punch. He kept saying that he was going to beat me ass but I kept telling him to go ahead and do it. I then started humilating him just like he was doing to the special ed student. I never heard of him doing it again.


#9

I was tormented all through school–well, from 3rd grade to 8th grade. My first through 2nd grade was in a Catholic school. The nuns didn’t miss much and bullying or tormenting was nipped in the bud immediately.

When I started public school in 3rd grade, it was downhill all the way. I am not going to go into the details because even today it still hurts. However, there was an incident outside of school. There were a bunch of kids my age on the next block over. I often would cut through to get to the school playground on weekends. One afternoon, I found myself surrounded by about 12-15 kids. One boy kept telling the crowd that he was going to beat me up. He tried to hit me a few times, but missed. At one point, he decided to kick me in my groin area. Laughing and prancing around like a peacock, he thought he had rendered me done. However, I got up and walked up to him as he laughed in my face and with all my might, I kicked him squarely and as hard as I could in his crotch. He dropped like a dead fly and cried in agony while curled up on the street in a fetal position grabbing his groin. The rest of the kids were silent and walked away from him. I bent down to him and said, “Next time, I’m gonna kick you even harder.” He never bothered me again. Luckily, I went to an all-girls’ Catholic high school and didn’t ever have to deal with the losers in my former public school ever again.


#10

Bullies are cowards. This story started in 6th and 7th grades, academic 1968-9 and 1969-70 and ended during the summers of 1988 and 1990.

This former bully, Michael, ran into me as an adult, in a beach football game. He assumed because of history that I could not catch a ball.

When someone (also in our earlier grade school class some 17 years before that hot summer day in 1988) who knew better tossed me the football I caught it and was 20 yards down the beach before the former bully noticed.

Next the former bully challenged me to tennis and I beat him 6-0, 6-1. Two summers later, when I went on vacation with my soon-to-be fiance he was staying at the same place and asked for an adjoining cabin.

All the time he was scared of his shadow. I guess even though we were 33 at the time he thought I was going to beat him up in retaliation for what he had done in middle school.

That’s not the way I roll. Punching him was not necessary. He was thoroughly humiliated.

[quote=“ClassicalTeacher, post:9, topic:39622”]
I was tormented all through school–well, from 3rd grade to 8th grade. My first through 2nd grade was in a Catholic school. The nuns didn’t miss much and bullying or tormenting was nipped in the bud immediately.

When I started public school in 3rd grade, it was downhill all the way. I am not going to go into the details because even today it still hurts. However, there was an incident outside of school. There were a bunch of kids my age on the next block over. I often would cut through to get to the school playground on weekends. One afternoon, I found myself surrounded by about 12-15 kids. One boy kept telling the crowd that he was going to beat me up. He tried to hit me a few times, but missed. At one point, he decided to kick me in my groin area. Laughing and prancing around like a peacock, he thought he had rendered me done. However, I got up and walked up to him as he laughed in my face and with all my might, I kicked him squarely and as hard as I could in his crotch. He dropped like a dead fly and cried in agony while curled up on the street in a fetal position grabbing his groin. The rest of the kids were silent and walked away from him. I bent down to him and said, “Next time, I’m gonna kick you even harder.” He never bothered me again. Luckily, I went to an all-girls’ Catholic high school and didn’t ever have to deal with the losers in my former public school ever again.
[/quote]I tried that with a bully, Donald, at the end of middle school, during May 1971. Guess who got sent to the principal? Hint, not Donald.

And the year before, another lovely one, Richie, put chewing gum in my hair during Spanish class. When I turned around to get the gum out, and deck him, my parents were told he needed “sensitivity” since his parents were going through a divorce.


#11

JBG ,

This is off topic, but I had to comment since you said you play tennis. I love to play tennis and I play on a USTA men’s singles league and I play at individual Tournaments in different states which is very competitive. I’m pretty close to a 5.0 skill level. I’m without question a 4.5. If you ever come to Columbus, OH PM me and I will play with you for fun if you would like. Just thought I’d extend the offer.


#12

JBG,

This is off topic, but I had to comment since you said you play tennis. I love to play tennis and I play on a USTA men’s singles league and I play at individual Tournaments in different states which is very competitive. I’m pretty close to a 5.0 skill level. I’m without question a 4.5. If you ever come to Columbus, OH PM me and I will play with you for fun if you would like. Just thought I’d extend the offer.


#13

Socialism has turned being poor into being a scumbag, poor school districts are therefore saturated with children of scumbags.

The bullying problem is much easier to address when the students are peers, a poor kid in a wealthy district or a wealthy kid in a poor district is a pretty hopeless situation. When the students are peers simply standing up to a bully (win or lose) will usually cause the bully to move on, in a situation where the bullied one is basically facing the entire school this will not work very well.

The parents of this girl needed to get her out of this haven of scumbags regardless of the inconvenience it caused them, no good can come from forcing your child to try and learn in an environment made up mostly of leaches and losers. “A bully” is a situation with many options, a school unified against one student is a problem with no solution.

Whenever I hear these stories where the parents “try everything” as defined by “asking government to save them” in ways like talking to the school and the police I cringe, I cannot imagine what it must be like for a child in a crisis situation to have parents who act like children themselves in their efforts to “help”.

I always knew that my Dad was where the buck stopped, my kids always knew this as well. I thank God I was not raised in a family where my parents thought they were subservient to the school or needed anybody’s permission to deal with things like this, you just don’t turn your kids welfare over to anyone who offers “assurances” to fix things with no plausible way to do it and no track record of success at doing it.


#14

Ummmm…I wasn’t the one who said I play tennis. That was JBG. Sorry! The only tennis I’m good at is ping-pong tennis!


#15

[quote=“brewerfanx1, post:12, topic:39622”]
JBG,

This is off topic, but I had to comment since you said you play tennis. I love to play tennis and I play on a USTA men’s singles league and I play at individual Tournaments in different states which is very competitive. I’m pretty close to a 5.0 skill level. I’m without question a 4.5. If you ever come to Columbus, OH PM me and I will play with you for fun if you would like. Just thought I’d extend the offer.
[/quote]I’m going to be a coward and admit that I’m between a 3.0 and a 3.5. I’d prefer to bully people then lose </sarcasm>

[quote=“ClassicalTeacher, post:14, topic:39622”]
Ummmm…I wasn’t the one who said I play tennis. That was JBG. Sorry! The only tennis I’m good at is ping-pong tennis!
[/quote]He fixed it by repeating the statement in a “stand-alone” post. Many don’t know how to edit on this board. It’s a bit awkward.


#16

[quote=“RET423, post:13, topic:39622”]
Socialism has turned being poor into being a scumbag, poor school districts are therefore saturated with children of scumbags.

The bullying problem is much easier to address when the students are peers, a poor kid in a wealthy district or a wealthy kid in a poor district is a pretty hopeless situation. When the students are peers simply standing up to a bully (win or lose) will usually cause the bully to move on, in a situation where the bullied one is basically facing the entire school this will not work very well.

The parents of this girl needed to get her out of this haven of scumbags regardless of the inconvenience it caused them, no good can come from forcing your child to try and learn in an environment made up mostly of leaches and losers. “A bully” is a situation with many options, a school unified against one student is a problem with no solution.

[/quote]I actually live about 2 miles from this school district. It is a mixture of “scumbags,” strivers and middle-class. The problem is the burgeoning population of illegals and the challenges that poses for the district.


#17

You cannot run from a bully. There is always another bully waiting to step in. You must develop a reputation that you will not “go gently into that good night”.
There was always a bully when I was in school. Nowadays, they seem to be everywhere. Why? Because our touchy feely policies about defending ourselves, are ill founded and actually, stupid.
Bullies are not always cowards. Some are actually quite fearless. They have no need to fear, since the schools make excuses and try to “convince” the bully to be a nice person.
If our kids viewed bullying as we used to, the bullies would have no “fear fuel” to drive their buggy. If we had a bully that was too much for any one of us, we’d group up, and tag team 'em. Bullies never even thought about bullying the disabled. The WHOLE school would come crashing down on them.
But, since “sensitivity” is needed to “understand” today’s bully, no one wants to confront them.
To stop a bully means you may have to take one for the team. Regardless, better to fight and get bloodied up once, than to be humiliated and live in fear, every day.


#18

I think that bullies have been around since Cain and Abel. There will always be those children/adults who prey on those weaker or at least perceived as weaker than themselves. Some children seem to have an innate personality for bullying. Most of them, sadly, are male. Maybe it has something to do with the male role-models in their lives…who knows? There’s always another excuse to hang onto provided by psychologists and psychiatrists. When we remove God from our environment, homes, and schools,…as they say, “nature abhors a vacuum”, something/someone has to replace Him. Psychology and secular humanism seems to be the religion of public schools now. It’s no surprise to me that bullying in elementary schools has increased substantially in the last 10+ years.


#19

[quote=“ClassicalTeacher, post:18, topic:39622”]
I think that bullies have been around since Cain and Abel. There will always be those children/adults who prey on those weaker or at least perceived as weaker than themselves. Some children seem to have an innate personality for bullying. Most of them, sadly, are male. Maybe it has something to do with the male role-models in their lives…who knows? There’s always another excuse to hang onto provided by psychologists and psychiatrists. When we remove God from our environment, homes, and schools,…as they say, “nature abhors a vacuum”, something/someone has to replace Him. Psychology and secular humanism seems to be the religion of public schools now. It’s no surprise to me that bullying in elementary schools has increased substantially in the last 10+ years.
[/quote]Might wanna rethink part of that. Girls are as bad, if not worse, than boys. My daughter was constantly harassed by girls. She’d fight back, and they’d come back with more. Then, she had an event with a teacher, one nobody liked, and Audrey knocked her out. Literally. After that, no one messed with her.
Girls even started stuff with my boys. They’d coerce other boys to jump on mine. Oh, they always ended up sorry, since I taught my kids to defend themselves. But it is something I have noticed getting progressively worse.
Other than the reference to male bullies, I agree wholeheartedly.


#20

Since “bullying” has become an excuse for all manner of perceived transgressions (For example, in that “Trinity” thread where A2E has been severely outnumbered, she might claim “bullying”, when in fact it’s just a simple matter of numbers and NOT bullying. BTW, as far as I know, A2E has NOT claimed the “bullying” excuse . . . I’m just using that as an example of using it capriciously), the line between actual bullying and something else has become blurred.

I’m certainly NOT saying that real bullying doesn’t exist. It does. I’m just saying it has become an excuse in certain circumstances: “That’s not fair . . . they all disagree with me. Therefore, they’re all bullies. Waaaaaaa . . .”