the truth about domestic violence

the other night i watched the nbc evening news (sorry, i keep bad company sometimes!) and they had a prominent segment on the Ray Rice controversy. anchorman Brian Williams said that the incident had started a “national conversation” on the subject.

the interesting thing to me was what was NOT mentioned in the ensuing “conversation.” one would think that such a conversation would begin with what we know about preventing such violence. the discussion did mention several appropriate aspects, such as different attitudes on the part of police, judges, and neighbors; women having alternatives such as shelters; more honest reporting of such incidents.

but there were a couple of elephants lumbering around the room, knocking things over, and occasionally trumpeting loudly. alas, they were ignored.

the first elephant is the simple fact that race is a big factor. one article I read began with the oft-repeated, “Domestic violence is a crime that does not discriminate against race, ethnicity, or cultures.” This kind of statement has become a truism. Is the truism true? No. Yes, domestic violence does impact every race, ethnic group, and culture. Does it impact them equally? No. news flash, news organizations: that’s discrimination!

Ironically, the very article that began with the above statement, also reported “… Results indicated that African American men evidenced a higher rate of severe IPV perpetration (11%) than Caucasian men (3%).” (Cazenave and Straus in Comparative Family Studies, 1979.) theirs was an early study that has been replicated and surpassed many times.

Now, an important caveat: it is difficult to separate the racial factor from the economics factor in these studies. in fact, when “corrected” for economic status, race almost disappears. so policies like like full employment and job training become important preventatives.

and then there is the other elephant: cohabitation. It is a major factor for both women and children. “Children of divorced or never-married mothers are 6 to 30 times more likely to suffer from serious child abuse than are children raised from birth by both biological parents in marriage.” (Heritage Foundation Report, March 2004).

An analysis of ten years of data gathered by the National Crime Victimization Study of the US Dept of Justice found that never-married intimate partners suffered abuse at twice as high a rate as married mothers–even if since divorced. The report concludes simply, “The institution that most strongly protects mothers and children from domestic abuse and violent crime is marriage.” Or, to put it another way, *marriage is still the safest place for women and children.

*This is seldom discussed. I dont believe there is really a war on women. But Political Correctness clearly interferes with effective domestic violence prevention. So, if there is a war on women, perhaps the shoe is on the other political foot.

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I dont believe there is really a war on women. But Political Correctness clearly interferes with effective domestic violence prevention. So, if there is a war on women, perhaps the shoe is on the other political foot.

Which side screams loudest and most often about
1 War on women
2 Racism
3 Feeding grandma dog food
4 Name calling
5 Etc, etc yada, yada

Methinks you nailed it with “the shoe is on the other political foot”!:grin:

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Statistiacs prove that 98% of domestic violence is among those who are Shacked Up, and that 50% of the violence is initiated by the women. But the shelters are for women and children. IF the boys are not 12 and older they CANNOT stay in the shelter. THEY are a danger because they are male.

There’s another aspect of this that has always bothered me, and I don’t think it has anything to do with race (not dismissing THAT aspect, but this one seems to be independent of it.) I didn’t see the news program, so maybe it was shown and discussed in it.

Nevertheless, I saw it first hand when I was an MP in the Marine Corps in the early '70’s. We would often get called to a Domestic Disturbance (“Signal 20”) at base housing. Invariably, some Marine was beating his wife, and somehow she would get away and get to our front desk in the headquarters building and, bloody faced and swollen with black eyes and red cheeked, and hysterically crying (understandably) she’d report it.

Nine times out of ten it was booze related. After we got control of the scene, generally the subject’s CO would send him to counseling.

For those times that we discovered it was a repeat offender, a lot of times they just got a “BCD” ("Bad Conduct Discharge " . . . which actually didn’t solve the problem for her).

But what struck me in all of this, and the “aspect” that I’m talking about, was that the women generally refused to lodge a complaint.

I remember one lady in particular that had been beaten so severely that one eye was so swollen that it was shut totally, and the other eye was soon going to be that way also. Her whole face was raw twisted meat.

I told her that if she gave witness to his beating her, we could keep him from her for quite a while.

I was flabbergasted when she embraced him and they lovably “made up”. I thought to myself, “Hey lady, you’re for sure going to get beat again, and next time you may not be able to get away before he kills you.”

And sure enough, he beat her again . . . though lucky for her he didn’t kill her before we got there.

And I saw that same behavior over and over again. The women would always make up with them and refuse to witness against them. We could lock them up even if the women didn’t swear out a complaint, but only for 24 hours and then we had to let them go.

Of course, the battered woman, her face not yet healed, would pick the guy up, give us dirty looks, and hug him like nothing had ever happened.

That always baffled me, though I’ve heard it’s the dependency thing . . . or denial . . . or hope that it won’t happen again . . . or fear that swearing out a complaint will guarantee another beating . . . all manner of excuses.

Just hit me one time, and if I was a woman that SOB would get a cast iron frying pan over the head in his sleep so hard that he’d never wake up . . . self defense!

As a cop, I saw this same phenomenon time after time. In fact, my black adopted son (now 54) was in such a household with his mother and her live-in boyfriend. I made so many calls to their house breaking up fights between them, they’d call the police department and say, “Would you send Dave down here again?” He once stabbed her in the stomach with a screwdriver and she shot him in the elbow with a .22 caliber “Saturday night special.” Neither would press charges against the other and, by the time the Grand Jury took the matter up, they’d reconciled and were “back together.” They finally split up and she developed leukemia and died, which was when we took Jesse in. He is NOT a wife-beater, however. He and his wife have been married for 33 years now.

[quote=“BobJam, post:4, topic:44649”]
There’s another aspect of this that has always bothered me, and I don’t think it has anything to do with race (not dismissing THAT aspect, but this one seems to be independent of it.) I didn’t see the news program, so maybe it was shown and discussed in it.

Nevertheless, I saw it first hand when I was an MP in the Marine Corps in the early '70’s. We would often get called to a Domestic Disturbance (“Signal 20”) at base housing. Invariably, some Marine was beating his wife, and somehow she would get away and get to our front desk in the headquarters building and, bloody faced and swollen with black eyes and red cheeked, and hysterically crying (understandably) she’d report it.

Nine times out of ten it was booze related. After we got control of the scene, generally the subject’s CO would send him to counseling.

For those times that we discovered it was a repeat offender, a lot of times they just got a “BCD” ("Bad Conduct Discharge " . . . which actually didn’t solve the problem for her).

But what struck me in all of this, and the “aspect” that I’m talking about, was that the women generally refused to lodge a complaint.

I remember one lady in particular that had been beaten so severely that one eye was so swollen that it was shut totally, and the other eye was soon going to be that way also. Her whole face was raw twisted meat.

I told her that if she gave witness to his beating her, we could keep him from her for quite a while.

I was flabbergasted when she embraced him and they lovably “made up”. I thought to myself, “Hey lady, you’re for sure going to get beat again, and next time you may not be able to get away before he kills you.”

And sure enough, he beat her again . . . though lucky for her he didn’t kill her before we got there.

And I saw that same behavior over and over again. The women would always make up with them and refuse to witness against them. We could lock them up even if the women didn’t swear out a complaint, but only for 24 hours and then we had to let them go.

Of course, the battered woman, her face not yet healed, would pick the guy up, give us dirty looks, and hug him like nothing had ever happened.

That always baffled me, though I’ve heard it’s the dependency thing . . . or denial . . . or hope that it won’t happen again . . . or fear that swearing out a complaint will guarantee another beating . . . all manner of excuses.

Just hit me one time, and if I was a woman that SOB would get a cast iron frying pan over the head in his sleep so hard that he’d never wake up . . . self defense!
[/quote] yes, at one time I lived in Sparks Nevada. one night the guy next door was repeatedly slamming his wife against the wall which separated our apts. really hard. she was crying. I knocked on their door. no answer. I called the police. next day I was in the laundry room and she came in, shook her finger in my face. “don’t EVER do that again.” I told her I was really worried because I thought she was going to come right through the wall. she said, “oh, no. I can defend myself” and laughed and showed me her long fingernails. I really think that was a case of codependency–is that what you call it? I don’t think that is always the reason women don’t bring charges. often it is probably fear. but I think there is a percentage that is codependent.