"till death shall part us"

It continues to amaze me how easily, quickly, and unbiblically some can forget “till DEATH shall part us”, abandon mate or mate and children, chasing after “happiness for me”, make that same promise to someone else (telling a lie), and claim God’s blessing on a life of adultery. (If God says divorce is OK, why does He call re-marriage…adultery?)"

We make our marriage promise/vow of “till death shall part us”, but the state legislature and “family” (?) court steal that promise/vow, granting an easy, uncontestable, fool-proof exit from marriage to the quitter via the illegal laws of No Fault divorce, based on “I want out”. In court, no evidence for or against the divorce will be heard. Live apart only 6 months (in my state, only 30 days in a few) and state law says you get a divorce. In property settlements BOTH sides must be heard, but not in the break-up of a marriage. How does that qualify as “justice for ALL”? Even the person leaving the marriage isn’t getting justice.

Marriage is an institution of God. He thought it up, drew the plans, made a list of materials and specifications (one man and one woman). built marriage, and the only word over the Exit door was…and is…DEATH. Marriage is a LIFETIME relationship protected by God as a Covenant.

Not everyone believes in your God.

Face it, there are as many Gods out there as there are people believing in them. Each God tends to agree with that person’s take on the bible.

There are times divorce is a necessary evil. One spouse becomes an alcoholic and becomes physically abusive. Just how many beatings should a spouse take?

What if you are a woman and discovered your husband was molesting your children? Is that a good reason to divorce, protect your children, and move on with your life? No? If not, you are free to live that life. Me? I wouldn’t.

I agree people marry with the intention that if it does not work they will simply divorce. It’s not right but it’s common. But there are plenty of times divorce is the best move. When it comes to the actual act of divorce, that is between the person and their God.

That is the typical Opinion.

These are not unusual issues today. These are quite common.

My question remains, how many beatings should a spouse take before they call it quits? 1? 10? 100? 10,000?

I want to know, if your spouse was sexually abusing your children, how hard would you try to make it work?

The divorce lawyers who are members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers give us some information that pertains to this topic.

A report from them lists the reasons for divorce in the order of incident:
…poor communication skills
…finances,
…a lack of commitment to the marriage,
…a dramatic change in priorities,
…infidelity,
…failed expectations or unmet needs,
…addictions and substance abuse,
…physical, sexual or emotional abuse, and
…lack of conflict resolution skills.

To answer your first question: I have told our daughter if he hits you he had best find another solar system in which to live. Another country or planet would be entirely too close for his comfort.

The second question relates to marriages beyond that first marriage. Society calls another marriage beyond the first a step-family, with the first mate still living. It is in this situation that sexual abuse of children usually occurs…OR it occurs when a couple is not married, only shacked up. All the more reason to avoid going there.

Again:

My question remains, how many beatings should a spouse take before they call it quits? 1? 10? 100? 10,000?

I want to know, if your spouse was sexually abusing your children, how hard would you try to make it work?

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Are you or a relative or friend in a marriage relationship beyond their first marriage…for you to be asking these 2 questions?

I was going to stay out of this, but this made me change my mind.

Main reason? What utter TRIPE to be regurgitating the MYTH that ‘step-fathers’ abuse their, or their wives’, children.
I could NOT have raised my children better, or with more confidence instilled in them, or with a better attitude toward life if it weren’t for the man who raised them since they were 5 and 6 years old.

I tried, I tried for 5 years to believe the man I first married would return to his ‘old self’ - the man I married, who was a good husband and father; ambitious, providing as best he could, and very involved with his children.
BAM! I can’t say for certain what happened, but I guess the obligation got to much for him. He turned to alcohol, then to drugs, then to abuse, then to (I have reason to believe), even adultery.

I probably believe in the same God you do, but after 5 years of trying to believe my husband would return to his old/own self do I believe that same God would condemn me for finally accepting that was no way to raise children to become respectful and respected young men and women who would give and/or command respect.

The MAN who raised my children has their respect so much that they never, ever referred to him as their “step-father.” To the point where school teachers who I’d gotten to know quite well asked me just what the ‘literal’ relationship was 'cuz the kids always and only referred to him as, “He’s my <insert first name>.”

The nurturing, love, the outright commitment to OUR children is something I will not allow anyone to find fault with, much less insult.

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ANY spouse putting up with those conditions would be an abomination before any God, in my never to be humble opinion.

I honestly don’t know what the Bible specifically states as good reason for divorce, or even if it does.

But in the same token, I cannot fathom any God, like I said, condoning abuse.
There are "Three “A’s” that some religions find ‘good reason’ for divorce.
Abuse, Adultery, Addiction.

One ‘slip’ (for lack of a better word at the moment) with adultery, perhaps can be worked through. Many? Fuggetaboutit.

Addiction? Depends on if the spouse WANTS to stop.

Abuse? Get out NOW.

As they say, “Children learn what they live.”

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Your story is a refreshing one…glad for all of you, but is an exception to the statistics.

When 2 people get married it’s actually 8 people getting married: she and the little girl inside; he, and the little boy inside, and the parents of both. If you want to know how she is going to be, observe her mother. If you want to be how he is going to be, observe his dad.

There are exceptions to this, but seldom.

Obviously, you are declining to answer the questions. You are dodging, redirecting, and changing the topic. Lots of effort to avoid an actual answer.

It’s easy to sit in judgement of others but when you are backed into a corner these are questions you flat out refuse to answer. You do realize, that tells the story, right?

Sharing statistics/facts is sitting in judgment?

It’s okay, you don’t need to redirect anymore. We get it, you won’t/can’t/don’t care to answer the questions.

I get to answer when I choose to…and I haven’t chosen to yet.

Why? Maybe because all of the successful second relationships aren’t reported? Just a guess.
I know of some second marriages that have worked out quite well. Also, some that did not. In the ones that ‘did not’, I’d say the mother forgot to ask, “how good will this be for my children?” "Not so much for me, but for my children.
The expression, “Love me, love my children,” doesn’t come from nowhere.

When 2 people get married it’s actually 8 people getting married: she and the little girl inside; he, and the little boy inside, and the parents of both.

Huh? Sorry, but I don’t follow. “The little girl inside or the little boy inside?” Pardon me, I don’t 'get it.

If you want to know how she is going to be, observe her mother. If you want to be how he is going to be, observe his dad.

There are exceptions to this, but seldom.

On that, we would agree. However, with this ability to move around the country so freely, rarely do those going toward the alter have that advantage, sad as it is to say.
If they would take the time to do that, it would save a LOT of anguish. That, I will not deny.

Statistics don’t mean squat. And yes, you were “sitting in judgement” right in your opening post.
That’s how all this got started.

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When 2 people get married it’s actually 8 people getting married: she and the little girl inside; he, and the little boy inside, and the parents of both.

Huh? Sorry, but I don’t follow. “The little girl inside or the little boy inside?” Pardon me, I don’t 'get it.

We are the sum-total of our experiences. This is very difficult to ascertain for many people hide the real person. In late life the real person eventually comes out…to the surprise of the mate.

We spent so little time in actually learning the person we are about to choose to spend a lifetime with.

Also, too many people go into the marriage with a Want List instead of a Give List. Love and Marriage are Giving relationships.

This is what I tried to explain to you. You really don’t need to invest so much time in dodging, redirecting, and changing the topic. We get it, it’s okay. When the questions are too tough, run like a little girl. :wink:

You sound like a few others that I have encountered on other forums, and it ain’t gonna work. “Hound” someone else.

My opening statement was based on what I see God saying, so I guess He is being judgmental. Actually, He can say what He chooses to about marriage. He thought it up, drew the plans, built the first one…with one man and one woman…to be with each other for a…lifetime.

My second paragraph is what acually happens in divorce via No Fault divorce laws, which are in effect in all 50 states.