This is SOLID stuff, it was enclosed in a mayonnaise jar that was stolen off Funk and Wangles porch the day before, the note said.
Just a few tidbits:
Chuck Schumer is no longer beating his wife
Nancy Pelosi has found a cure for her extreme rash from the Depends she wears, she now turns them right side out
Erza Cummings was a KKK member when he was a young man
Rachel Maddow’s secret lover has AIDS